Esther Study by Beth Moore

I'm now on week 5 of the Esther study by Beth Moore, and God is just blowing my mind away!

I need to go back and give you a little history of where I was when I started this class.
To put it simply I was in the desert.  Knowing that God is God and that He is there, and yet feeling many miles away, distant, to the point of me wondering if I was doing things all wrong, or not enough, or surely somehow I wasn't living up to His will , and even more so, what if I had mistaken something for His will, and it wasn't!

I missed His presence , that tangible feeling, that joy, love and peace that you could just feel without a doubt, I was thirsty, quenched, and hungry for Him to show Himself.
 So many problems like a tidal wave were hitting us, over and over again and none the same, all different, some small, some big, and knowing God would take care of us, provide, heal, deliver, but when was a mystery, and we were growing tired, weary, & I'm pretty determined that God is who He says He is, and will do what He says, I'm standing strong on His word, and then I was hit with yet one more thing, and this point I'm feeling the pressure and I feel like if just one more thing hits I'm crumble and tears would just stream down my cheeks, no sob, just a silent cry but in my heart shouting "God where are you? What are we doing wrong? When? What do we do?".... keep going... seek first the Kingdom of God... that's all I could hear.

Esther- bible study- sign up sheet, a last minute thought, and I wasn't planning on putting one more thing into my already busy schedule, but I felt urged to just look and see when and what times it would be, and the next thing I know I'm signing up.

My first day in class, God showed up, He spoke directly to me from the pages before me, and the precious woman on the screen who had researched her little heart out, to teach me how the Word of God can show us things that we could never get from simply reading over the verses, not fully, not without some real passion for just what the words written really entailed.
I learned that the name of God was not once mentioned in the whole book, and that it was on purpose to show that even when we feel God is distant, not hearing us, He still is working behind the scenes, He is there, He is listening, and the answer my friend, IS on the way.

Fast forward to one of the amazing revelations I had .  At this point Mordecai had saved the Kings life by exposing a plot to assassinate the king, and even after doing so was overlooked for the reward, yet another person in the King palace had favor with the King and was promoted , ( the same kind of honor that was due to Mordecai).  His name - Haman - He was a presumed Amalekite and descendant of Agag who were around during the days of King Saul.  Back in Deuteronomy when the Isrealites were being delivered from captivity on their way to the promised land, and after a long time in the wilderness began to loose hope, they were discouraged because they felt God had left them, they were weary, and despite what God had brought them through, despite the miracles they had seen, His power revealed, they soon forgot His power, and faithfulness, and they began to question, to complain, and eventually turn away from Him.

During this time when they were weak, weary, and discouraged this was when they were attacked by the Amalekites & not just once but over and over again (sound familiar?).  God was so angry with this malicious attack that he vowed to destroy them from existence.

I could relate to this!! God showed me the plan of the enemy... God is taking us to a new place from a place of bondage to freedom, and for a while it seems He was not listening, not near, and in this time I was starting to grow weary, discouraged, despite my history of my youth when I had seen His faithfulness, His miracles, tasted the very goodness of His blessings, yet here I was weary from the fight testing my faith, & this is when the attacks of the enemy happens that can cause a fatal blow !!  Your weakness's exposed, and sure enough attack upon attack is coming at you, he's in it to destroy you, when you are just near the finish line of fighting, your answer is just beyond this mountain.. and this my friend, when you find yourself at the breaking point.. this is the very time to cling to Him with all you have, and shout out His promises, even to whisper them has the same strength, this is your time to fight like you have never fought before, ironically it is also the time to rest in His goodness and have peace of knowing He is IS faithful.  I fully believe that had they kept their faith in God, and not turned away from His promises, they would have made it to the promise land, but because they turned away they did not. Are you there at that point of wondering if you can take anymore?  I was.

God is telling us dear friend that when you are in that place, when you feel you can't go on, stand FIRM on His word, and KNOW that it IS true, HE IS FAITHFUL, HE IS listening, and HE WILL DELIVER you, and that your promise land, your answer, your inheritance is just in front of you, and then having stood your ground, start walking in faith to receive what is rightfully yours! Seeking first HIS Kingdom, and then all these things will be added unto you, and in HIS perfect timing!! It may take years, months, and maybe just a minute, but one thing is certain, God is always on time, and His plan for us is made perfect.

God showed back up when this was revealed to my spirit, and I am fully infused with His strength to carry on.  Let me tell you of some of the things that hit me this since the  of starting this study- on top of issues that were already piled up, I started having panic attacks at night because of pain in my arms, never have I had a panic attack, fear of death, fear of finances,  two of my close relatives thought of, and one attempted suicide, our daughter was injured in her softball game, finances took an all time low.
Let me tell you though , the breakthroughs that happened! - God showed up! During praise and worship I felt God wrap a robe around my shoulders, and place a crown upon my head !! He revealed to me my position, my rights, and he equipped me for the battles, He filled me with peace and His strength.  We got more job offers which kept our heads above water!  He saved my two relatives from suicide, and not only saved, but even gave them purpose to continue living!!  He sent us groceries through family & friends when we were low on food! He has renewed our faith, and Hope in Him.  He has showered me with His love, and His presence so tangible, and it was all in His perfect timing! Not only did I start the Esther study, but Rick started Believing in God by Beth Moore on his own, and together we've been taking the Dave Ramsey financial university class, and I fully believe that God is preparing us for a season of harvest!!

Dear friend,  if you are there, if you feel like you just can't take one more thing, do not loose faith, do not loose hope, stand on His promises, and KNOW in your heart that He is faithful, He will do as He promised, He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, He IS working out all things for our good,  He will NOT give us more than we can bare ( sometimes I wish I couldn't bare so much lol)  He will take all that we go through and use it for our testimony, so others will know, that our GOD is GOD and that He loves us, and He keeps His word.
Remember that when you are at your weakest, that is the exact time the devil comes with attacks over and over again, just like a fighter giving the last blows before his opponent goes down for the count,  he has come to steal, kill, and destroy us, it is in that time we HAVE to search out the promises of God, write them down, speak them outloud, and stand on them , for they are strength to our bones, the very core of us!  Stand! FIGHT! KEEP GOING!  DON'T GIVE IN!! YOUR ANSWER IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for going to battle for us! Thank you that victory is ours! Thank you that through you, we have strength to fight the fight!  Father- you are so precious to me. Your plan is perfect, it's brilliant!  You Father are good, and just, and faithful.  Help us to know you more. Give us your peace, your love, your strength to stand when the blows of life hit us like tidal waves over and over again, in those times Lord make our feet steady, to stand under the wings of the Almighty, for you are our protector , and deliverer, reveal to us what you want us to learn, who you want us to reach, who you are.
Holy Spirit quicken our spirit to seek and understand His word. Bring it to life within us.  Speak to us in our sleep, throughout our day, quicken us to go this way or that way, help us to be sensitive to your voice.  Heal those things that have caused us pain, to the very root of the problem, not just the problem, but from the very place it sprung from , even from generations back, break the chains, and dry  up the roots of those very issues, for we are new creatures in Christ! Every day His mercies are new.
We love you God. We praise you, and you ALONE.
In Jesus Mighty Name!

Amen

Fasting tv & facebook games--- day one

What got me started.

God seems to be sending me hints lately about time management.
Not being one who is very disciplined in time management I have known that I need to do better
with my time.   When I took a look at how I spend my time, vs the stress in my life of all the
things that need to be done, I realized it was my lack of discipline with my time that was the issue
more than it was the things that had to be done.
Not only that but how much time I put into playing games, or watching tv and less time in prayer, or
reading God's Word.
God is trying to get my attention, He wants to spend more time with me! Much like I would like
to spend time w/ my kids when they lived at home were busy texting or online.
I have noticed that since my youngest daughter has not had her phone, we spend more time talking together, and what a joy it has been to just spend time with her.
If I get that much joy from having her attention and conversing with her, how much more would God love to spend that kind of time with me?
Seems He uses the kids often to teach me about my relationship with Him.

So, I have decided that for the month of December I will spend less time on the internet, no tv, and no facebook games.
Yesterday was rough, as I am used to having meals w/ the family watching our favorite tv shows.
Time to have family at the dinner table again :)
Then, it's our thing to watch tv the hour before bed, and to fall asleep watching tv.
No tv last night, in bed by 10pm and asleep before 11pm.  We said our prayers together instead of tv.
It was great, and I slept so good that I was able to get up at 6am. I admit, I tried to go back to bed but then I remembered that I was going to start myself on a new schedule and that included getting up to spend time with Rick and Meagan before they head off to work/ school.
So, a quick goodbye w/ Rick, and breakfast with Meagan before she caught the bus, was a great start.
Then off to spend time with the Lord.  I'm doing a bible study, and it's been a great start today.
I'm journaling this on my blog so I can look back and see how much this will improve my life :)

Praise report from yesterday- My mom no longer has Congestive Heart Failure! The fluid is gone!
Also, my dad went to the VA and his results came back great too! No prostate cancer, and he doesn't have to go back for a year!
Ricks dad also has been doing great this week! He even helped Rick stain the deck to the studio.

Remember to spend some time with God today... He loves to spend time with you!

Foggy

Ok.. so it's been awhile since I last posted !! Sorry about that!
I took off work for a 3 day weekend with my WONDERFUL hubby
just before the Christmas holidays.
We had a great time.
Then a fabulous Christmas with the kids. Except for my son and daughter n law
who are stationed in Ft. Lewis, WA.  We missed having them here.
The following day Paige, Logan, Mike, Meagan, and myself headed down to
our resort on Canyon Lake. It was nice, but weird not having Rick there.
He had to work on call, and no extra days to take off because he's saving them
for our Hawaii trip.
I drove up Thursday took Meagan and Logan home, and picked up Rick to
go back to our cabin for our Anniversary!! 
4 Years!  We had fun! Fireworks every year:)
We played in the dark.. not what you're thinking !! We went out to wait for
moon, as it was sooo beautiful the night before, and we wanted to capture it.
Soo we went across the lake, and waited, and waited, and waited, an hour or more
after sun down, and we figured it just wasn't coming soon..
fingers frozen, nose like a popcicle, we headed back in.
2 days later returning home.. sore throat..
2 weeks later now.. still trying to battle this cold.

Which is where FOGGY comes in.. I'm here, I need to work,
and yet my mind just can't focus!!
I don't know if it's the meds, or if I'm just tired from the virus.
Maybe a pot of coffee, some loud dance music, and a shower
will do the trick.
Off I go... I promise.. I'll be a better blogger soon :)

Morning time

I must admit, since I've been working at home, it has been hard for
me to just get up at the crack of dawn to see everyone off.
Lately I have been missing that time with my family, and my morning time
with God.  With HIM, it's been rushed as I have to catch up on
my work due to the time I've slept in.

SO ... the other night I asked God if he would start waking me at a good time
each morning so that I can change my habit, alarms I can turn off, but God
has this way of waking me , that I just love.
Yesterday, and again today, he woke me.  I didn't hesitate one second, I got
out of the warmth of the covers, got dressed, made coffee, made breakfast
for the girls, kissed my husband goodbye, and then when they all left, it was just
me, God, and a good cup of coffee.

I started off just praying, you know the prayer..... Dear Lord, thank you for this day..
etc.  Today however was different. Today, I pulled up a chair at my desk, and
spoke a few words to the Lord, and then let him minister to my heart.
It was an awesome conversation!  His presence was there surrounding me.
I cried over one of my kids, one traveling a hard road, and God spoke to me about her,
His love for her, and that even though she is making some wrong choices He knows her
heart and the love she has for him despite her actions, just as I know that she loves me
despite her going against me at times.  She is searching, just as I had done at one time,
and like me , God will love her back to Him, pick her up, clean her off, and hold her till
she heals, and till she knows that HE ALONE is all she needs.
He also likes Kleenex, he joked with me about it as I was using it.
He gave me an idea for an add for them, so I think I'm going to pitch it to them.
He really does care about you. He wants to converse with you, to hold you,
to make you laugh,  pick you up and show you his view of things, to heal you
from deep hurts, some that you may have forgotten.

So my chanllenge to you today is to find a few minutes to have alone with the Lord,
and let him do most the talking.  I think you will find that His word will come to you,
that He already knows what it is that you need, and let his love for you flow over
you, encompass you , until you feel held.

Praying for you always,
Kim

Cooking and family

Here I sit watching Julie & Julia with Paige and Meagan,
while we are waiting on a Mexican style hash to finish cooking.
This last year we have been teaching the girls how to cook some
family favorites.
It has been fun.
Isn't it wonderful to think of how food & family just go together.
I think that is what is so special about this time of year, it turns
cold and automatically I'm thinking of cooking , and filling the
house with wonderful aromas!

Think of your favorite holiday recipe, and let's share them on here!
I will also post them on facebook.  SO make sure it's not a secret
recipe!

Going to stir the pot.... I'll be back tomorrow with a recipe !!

Having faith while the pain is there

It's been a little over 2 weeks now that I got my sudden onset of pain just under the right ribcage.
A day in the ER , xrays, and sonagram and all they can tell me is it's a fatty liver.
Followed up after a painfilled weekend with the specialist.
For some reason, fear crept in, and I started preparing myself for the worst.
I broke down right before he came in.
Surely something that hurts this long, and this bad has to be horrific.
He calmed me down, and told me all my blood test, and urnine test come back great.
It's a fatty liver as far as he can tell.
It can go away with exercise, and eating well.
Great! But what about this pain???????
I had prayed for healing, and even got confirmation, and yet doubt kept creeping.
Just because the pain is here, doesn't mean that God hasn't already healed me.
It could be that I have to go through the process of healing.
So, I'm eating right, mostly organic. 
The pain... still there, and more severe since Wednesday, and today almost unbearable.
I thought about what Kathleen has said about going through the pain, but still holding on
and being held by the Lord.  Pain, is pain, and well, God is God.. and so I took Kathleen's
role model example, and through the pain , I am holding fast to the promises of God.
I know that I know, He is more than able. He is with me always. He works all things
out for my good.

What pain are you in today?  Give it over to God, allow Him to bring you through it, and
hold fast to him, as he holds on to you. You are his precious child. He loves you.
He is faithful. Profess His Promises. Lay hold and do not let go of Him.
"I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 16:8, NIV)
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:29-31, NIV)

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

~ Romans 8:28, NLT

Thes was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities
and carried our diseases." Matthew 8:17

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.   Hebrews 10:23
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded Hebrews 10:35

MY favorite to shout out... Revelations 12:11
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; thy did not love their lives
so much as to shrink from death. !!!!!!!!!
All we go through... our testimony... our lives are not in vain !!!  This is where I can see that we should count it all joy when we are faced with battles, they strengthen our faith, and they give us a testimony!
A testimony that will defeat Satan in due time.
WE WIN!!!!!!

Father God, you comfort those who mourn, those in pain, and you heal the broken hearted, you give strength to the weary, you uphold us by your right hand! You are the same yesterday , today and forever!
You are the lover of our souls.  You have written our name on the palm of your hand, you know the very hairs on our head, you know us better than we know ourselves.  You have called us by name, set us apart.
Let us take captive every thought that sets itself against you Lord God, and let us proclaim your word, your promises over our lives. Help us to seize hold of the truth, with all faith , hold fast to your ways. Knowing full well that you work all things out for our good, for your glory!
You are the all knowing father. I praise you Lord. I choose to believe YOU!
In Jesus Name - AMEN

my daughter

I'm new at the empty nest thing, well almost empty nest.
I have 5 children.
Paige the oldest was already living on her own when her dad and I got married.
I never had the chance to raise her, but I adore watching her grow in the Lord.
John, the only son, is now in the Army in Washington. I haven't seen him since
March. I sure miss him.
Jennifer moved out at 17.  I sure miss her.
Meagan and Haley are still here. I am trying to soak in every minute I can with them.

Jennifer was in my dream this morning. She was seeking counsel from a woman
I do not know, and myself, about her divorce, and her new plan for her life.
She had bleached her hair, and had this cute Marilyn Monroe  hair cut.
I remember thinking, she's so cute, she's always been beautiful.
As she told us of her plans to move to New York, she seemed so excited, but
something just didn't hit me right.
When I asked her why she was moving so far from home, and why she wasn't
pursuing her dreams of being a nurse, she got quiet and started to tear up,
 I don't know where I belong, I'm not good enough, I've messed up."
With that she lept from the bed into my arms, and she was so light,
just like when she was little, and she wrapped her arms and legs around me,
and there I was, holding my little girl again. It felt soo good to just hold her,
and speak into her ear how much I believe in her, and how much I love her, and
that I will help her to succeed.  I didn't want this to end.  She's been running from
me for so long, this feels soo good , this is the love and honesty I've missed from her.

I woke up.. sad because I never want her to feel that way, happy because I got
to hold the daughter I once held, and she WANTED to be held, and it was soo nice.

I think God feels that way when we've gone off on our own path, we stumble,
fall, and sometimes mess everything up, and yet we are deteremined to stand and
make it better the best we know how, instead of listening to the one who loves us most.
Pride gets in the way, don't let him win, don't let him know I'm hurt, I'm tough, I'll make it.
Finally at some point, we break down.. and at that point we reach out WANTING to be
held, and God our most precious Father picks us up, holds us, and speaks truth over us.
You are MY daughter, I have a plan for your life, follow me and see if I will not use you
beyond your wildest dreams, give yourself over to me, and just see.  You are Daddy's
little angel.
HE LOVES HOLDING US, and most of all he loves when we HOLD TIGHT.

Is there something in your life today that God's been dealing with you about, and you
keep trying to fix it on your own, or have you just been running your own way, and
nothing seems to work out the way you thought but pride is keeping you back from
admitting it all to HIM? 
Run and leap into HIS arms. HOLD TIGHT..allow your Father to just hold you, and
fill you up with his love for you, speaking over you, till you know who's you are.
You won't be disappointed!