I need to go back and give you a little history of where I was when I started this class.
To put it simply I was in the desert. Knowing that God is God and that He is there, and yet feeling many miles away, distant, to the point of me wondering if I was doing things all wrong, or not enough, or surely somehow I wasn't living up to His will , and even more so, what if I had mistaken something for His will, and it wasn't!
I missed His presence , that tangible feeling, that joy, love and peace that you could just feel without a doubt, I was thirsty, quenched, and hungry for Him to show Himself.
So many problems like a tidal wave were hitting us, over and over again and none the same, all different, some small, some big, and knowing God would take care of us, provide, heal, deliver, but when was a mystery, and we were growing tired, weary, & I'm pretty determined that God is who He says He is, and will do what He says, I'm standing strong on His word, and then I was hit with yet one more thing, and this point I'm feeling the pressure and I feel like if just one more thing hits I'm crumble and tears would just stream down my cheeks, no sob, just a silent cry but in my heart shouting "God where are you? What are we doing wrong? When? What do we do?".... keep going... seek first the Kingdom of God... that's all I could hear.
Esther- bible study- sign up sheet, a last minute thought, and I wasn't planning on putting one more thing into my already busy schedule, but I felt urged to just look and see when and what times it would be, and the next thing I know I'm signing up.
My first day in class, God showed up, He spoke directly to me from the pages before me, and the precious woman on the screen who had researched her little heart out, to teach me how the Word of God can show us things that we could never get from simply reading over the verses, not fully, not without some real passion for just what the words written really entailed.
I learned that the name of God was not once mentioned in the whole book, and that it was on purpose to show that even when we feel God is distant, not hearing us, He still is working behind the scenes, He is there, He is listening, and the answer my friend, IS on the way.
Fast forward to one of the amazing revelations I had . At this point Mordecai had saved the Kings life by exposing a plot to assassinate the king, and even after doing so was overlooked for the reward, yet another person in the King palace had favor with the King and was promoted , ( the same kind of honor that was due to Mordecai). His name - Haman - He was a presumed Amalekite and descendant of Agag who were around during the days of King Saul. Back in Deuteronomy when the Isrealites were being delivered from captivity on their way to the promised land, and after a long time in the wilderness began to loose hope, they were discouraged because they felt God had left them, they were weary, and despite what God had brought them through, despite the miracles they had seen, His power revealed, they soon forgot His power, and faithfulness, and they began to question, to complain, and eventually turn away from Him.
During this time when they were weak, weary, and discouraged this was when they were attacked by the Amalekites & not just once but over and over again (sound familiar?). God was so angry with this malicious attack that he vowed to destroy them from existence.
I could relate to this!! God showed me the plan of the enemy... God is taking us to a new place from a place of bondage to freedom, and for a while it seems He was not listening, not near, and in this time I was starting to grow weary, discouraged, despite my history of my youth when I had seen His faithfulness, His miracles, tasted the very goodness of His blessings, yet here I was weary from the fight testing my faith, & this is when the attacks of the enemy happens that can cause a fatal blow !! Your weakness's exposed, and sure enough attack upon attack is coming at you, he's in it to destroy you, when you are just near the finish line of fighting, your answer is just beyond this mountain.. and this my friend, when you find yourself at the breaking point.. this is the very time to cling to Him with all you have, and shout out His promises, even to whisper them has the same strength, this is your time to fight like you have never fought before, ironically it is also the time to rest in His goodness and have peace of knowing He is IS faithful. I fully believe that had they kept their faith in God, and not turned away from His promises, they would have made it to the promise land, but because they turned away they did not. Are you there at that point of wondering if you can take anymore? I was.
God is telling us dear friend that when you are in that place, when you feel you can't go on, stand FIRM on His word, and KNOW that it IS true, HE IS FAITHFUL, HE IS listening, and HE WILL DELIVER you, and that your promise land, your answer, your inheritance is just in front of you, and then having stood your ground, start walking in faith to receive what is rightfully yours! Seeking first HIS Kingdom, and then all these things will be added unto you, and in HIS perfect timing!! It may take years, months, and maybe just a minute, but one thing is certain, God is always on time, and His plan for us is made perfect.
God showed back up when this was revealed to my spirit, and I am fully infused with His strength to carry on. Let me tell you of some of the things that hit me this since the of starting this study- on top of issues that were already piled up, I started having panic attacks at night because of pain in my arms, never have I had a panic attack, fear of death, fear of finances, two of my close relatives thought of, and one attempted suicide, our daughter was injured in her softball game, finances took an all time low.
Let me tell you though , the breakthroughs that happened! - God showed up! During praise and worship I felt God wrap a robe around my shoulders, and place a crown upon my head !! He revealed to me my position, my rights, and he equipped me for the battles, He filled me with peace and His strength. We got more job offers which kept our heads above water! He saved my two relatives from suicide, and not only saved, but even gave them purpose to continue living!! He sent us groceries through family & friends when we were low on food! He has renewed our faith, and Hope in Him. He has showered me with His love, and His presence so tangible, and it was all in His perfect timing! Not only did I start the Esther study, but Rick started Believing in God by Beth Moore on his own, and together we've been taking the Dave Ramsey financial university class, and I fully believe that God is preparing us for a season of harvest!!
Dear friend, if you are there, if you feel like you just can't take one more thing, do not loose faith, do not loose hope, stand on His promises, and KNOW in your heart that He is faithful, He will do as He promised, He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, He IS working out all things for our good, He will NOT give us more than we can bare ( sometimes I wish I couldn't bare so much lol) He will take all that we go through and use it for our testimony, so others will know, that our GOD is GOD and that He loves us, and He keeps His word.
Remember that when you are at your weakest, that is the exact time the devil comes with attacks over and over again, just like a fighter giving the last blows before his opponent goes down for the count, he has come to steal, kill, and destroy us, it is in that time we HAVE to search out the promises of God, write them down, speak them outloud, and stand on them , for they are strength to our bones, the very core of us! Stand! FIGHT! KEEP GOING! DON'T GIVE IN!! YOUR ANSWER IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for going to battle for us! Thank you that victory is ours! Thank you that through you, we have strength to fight the fight! Father- you are so precious to me. Your plan is perfect, it's brilliant! You Father are good, and just, and faithful. Help us to know you more. Give us your peace, your love, your strength to stand when the blows of life hit us like tidal waves over and over again, in those times Lord make our feet steady, to stand under the wings of the Almighty, for you are our protector , and deliverer, reveal to us what you want us to learn, who you want us to reach, who you are.
Holy Spirit quicken our spirit to seek and understand His word. Bring it to life within us. Speak to us in our sleep, throughout our day, quicken us to go this way or that way, help us to be sensitive to your voice. Heal those things that have caused us pain, to the very root of the problem, not just the problem, but from the very place it sprung from , even from generations back, break the chains, and dry up the roots of those very issues, for we are new creatures in Christ! Every day His mercies are new.
We love you God. We praise you, and you ALONE.
In Jesus Mighty Name!
